Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The Here And Now

I'm terrible at living in the moment. Every spiritual, meditation, or relaxation book I've ever read talks about how important it is to well-being.

But, I am an uber-planner by nature. I've had my whole life planned out (with multiple revisions of course) for as far back as I could remember. It's how I cope with uncertainty. I always have a plan.

Even when I think I'm living in the moment, or being spontaneous, I'm usually not. Sometimes I'm not even enjoying the little moments that makes motherhood and wifedom precious because I'm thinking about our next endeavor, making a to do list, or imagining our life five years from now.

Except when I'm running.

It's only been a week, but I am painfully aware of every present moment when I'm running... how my body feels, how I'm breathing, how hot or cold the room is. After a year of struggling to learn how to meditate, and whaddya know? Running brings me everything I have tried to achieve cross-legged and shut-eyed.

I'm not thinking stressful thoughts (except, "What the heck am I doing to my body?"). I'm not worrying about things that have already happened, or things that will happen an hour from now, or even 5 minutes from now.

It's just me, right here, right now -- one footstep at a time, for 30 minutes.

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